TUC Hot Spot
by LuxaTheUnderlander
Summary: Welcome to TUC Hot Spot, an interview show for all of our favorite TUC characters, featuring questions that make the interviewed character squirm with embarrassment and discomfort!
1. Bane, Solovet, and an Undead Monkey?

**The Underland Chronicles**

**In**

**HOT SPOT**

**An interview show for all of our favorite TUC characters, featuring questions that make the interviewed character squirm with embarrassment and discomfort!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Underland chronicles…yeah, we all know that. **

* * *

Random Announcer: Welcome to…Hot Spot, TUC Edition! Here's your lovely hostess…-drumroll- Lulu!!

Lulu: -materializes in a puff of purple smoke-

Ares: -interrupts- Why can't the smoke be black? Black is a color that reminds me of my misery, death, and all of the bad things about the world, and I think instead of purple we should have a color that reminds us of life's tragedy because—

Lulu: It's purple cuz purple's a cool color. Now go be emo somewhere else, it's not your turn yet.

Ares: Fine. My life is already miserable anyway. –flies off-

Lulu: Okay then…well, welcome to Hot Spot, TUC edition! Here we'll ask questions that make the characters squirm. And as extra entertainment, we have cynical rats, sexy tyrants, and, as you just saw…emo bats.

Random audience member A: Can we just get on with the show? I have a Tuna Casserole cooking at home and I really need to get back to it!

Lulu: What kind of idiot leaves a Tuna Casserole cooking while they're at a live television show taping?

Random Audience member A: The kind of idiot who hates overcooked Tuna Casserole! So get on with it!

Lulu: AS I WAS SAYING, I hope you all enjoy the show, because we worked extremely hard to put—

Random Audience member A: Tuna Casserole!

Lulu: -loses patience- JUST GO GET YOUR FRIGGEN TUNA CASSEROLE AND LEAVE US ALONE!

Random Audience member A: Fine. I have a deathly fear of giant rats anyway. –leaves-

Lulu: Well, thanks for the info, I'll be sure to send a couple of my rat cohorts to freak you out later. –takes a deep breath- Anyway, now that we have no more interruptions, it's time to get back to the show! First up is…Bane!

Bane: -is pushed out by stage hands- I DON'T WANNA!

Lulu: But Bane, you agreed to go first, remember?

Bane: That was before I saw all these people watching me!

Lulu: Well, that's a first. A rat prophesized to destroy an entire land with stage fright.

Bane: Don't make me go! Look at their eyes, their beastly, wild eyes!

Random Audience member B: I don't have beastly, wild eyes!

Lulu: Yeah, yeah, you don't. Hey, Bane, if you go on, I'll give you…Chocolate!

Bane: -gasps- Chocolate?

Lulu: Yep, chocolate. A big block of it.

Bane: -considers- Okay, I'll do it for the CHOCOLATE!

Lulu: Good. Now…the ring of Fire!

Bane: Ring of fire? What ring of fire? We never agreed to a ring of fire! I don't like fire!

-A ring of fire appears around the Bane, who screams like a girl-

Lulu: -matter-of-factly- That's so you can't run away.

Bane: Eep!

Lulu: Now for our first question. Bane, what do you really think of Ripred?

Bane: Umm…True!

Lulu: -stares blankly at him- Bane, this isn't—

Bane: No, wait, False!

Lulu: It's not a—

Bane: No, I know this! 52!

Lulu: I'm trying to tell you—

Bane: 68! 24! 77! 512!

Lulu: listen to—

Bane: 1,174!!!!

Lulu: BANE!

Bane: Seventeen?

Lulu: Bane, there's no right answer to this question. Just say what you think.

Bane: Uh…what was the question again?

Lulu: -sigh- Never mind. Onto the next question! Bane, if you could talk to your father, Snare, right now, what would you say?

Bane: SNARE!!!!!! –runs around inside the ring screaming-

Lulu: He's not here! Just answer the question!

Bane: I would…I would…tell him he's a big meanie!

Lulu: A big meanie?

Bane: Yeah.

Lulu: A big meanie.

Bane: Yes, a big meanie!

Lulu: All right then. A big meanie. –mutters frustratedly to herself-

Bane: I like secrets! Tell me!

Lulu: I'm not telling a secret.

Bane: Then why are you whispering? Whispering means secrets!

Lulu: No, it doesn't.

Bane: If you tell me your secret I'll tell you that I think Twirltongue is evil and she's really mean to me and…

Lulu: -gasps-

Bane: AND SHE'S FAT!

Twirltongue: -runs out- He doesn't mean that, do you, Bane?

Bane: -sobs- Yes…I…do!

Twirltongue: No, you don't, Bane, dear. Remember, you can still be King. You are the most powerful creature in the Underland, and that throne will be yours if you want it. And you do want it.

Bane: -sniffles- Really?

Twirltongue: Would I lie to you?

Lulu: -mutters- Yes, you would.

Bane: -looks at Lulu angrily- No! Twirltongue's my friend, you're being mean to her! Stop being mean, you big meanie!

Twirltongue: That's it, Bane. You tell her.

Bane: I never wanted to come on this stupid show anyway!

Lulu: Fine. Then you don't get…this! –pulls out giant block of chocolate-

Twirltongue: You don't need it, Bane. There are more important things.

Bane: But—

Twirltongue: -holds up her paw to silence him- Ah!

Bane: Okay, you're right! Let's blow this popsicle stand!

Lulu: -tries to hide laughter- Popsicle stand?

Bane: I'm…hungry…-shrugs- -jumps over ring of fire and moves towards the exit with Twirl-

Twirltongue: -mutters to Bane as they are leaving- Do you really think I'm fat?

Bane: -ponders- Maybe just a little big around the middle. You might want to consider eating a little less crawler at lunch.

Twirltongue: Do you think they offer diet shrimp in cream sauce? –they exit-

Lulu: Whatever. Their loss. Send out the next contestant!-Solovet is pushed out-

Solovet: Well, I am here.

Lulu: Why is it that we keep interviewing dead characters?

Stage hand A: Hey, you're the author.

Lulu: I don't remember planning this. I thought Solovet was supposed to be next episode.

Stage Hand B: Well, we had a cancellation.

Lulu: Who?

Stage Hand A: It seems that Cartesian has dropped out, due to the fact that he "can't find the others".

Lulu: -mumbles- That's cuz the _others_ are lying dead in Hades Hall. –sighs- Well, okay then. Solovet, you're up!

Solovet: -casts a disapproving expression on the Ring of Fire as it appears- Can we just get on with this? I have an army to command.

Lulu: But you're dead.

Solovet: So?

Lulu: Forget it. I don't even want to know.

Solovet: Then do not ask.

Lulu: I didn't. –Solovet stares at her- Alright, let's just get on with the first question. Solovet, did you ever consider leaving Vikus?

Audience: -gasps-

Lulu: -shrugs- Hey, it's called "Hot Spot." This is the whole point.

Solovet: Do I have to answer this?

Lulu: Yes.

Solovet: Fine. Yes.

Lulu: -taken aback- you have?

Solovet: Yes, I have. I considered leaving everyone when I was confined to my chambers due to causing the plague. I did not think it was fair.

Lulu: You were _that _mad?

Solovet: Yes, I was. Now let us move on!

Lulu: Well, it appears our next question is…Why exactly did you give orders for Gregor to be locked in the dungeon? And tell us the truth.

Solovet: I did it because…I am Evil! –sinister music plays-

Lulu: Oh, come on.

Solovet: Fine, I am not evil. I—

-something materializes inside the Ring of fire-

Solovet: Oh, look, an Undead Monkey.

Lulu: Uh…hello? This is _TUC, _not POTC_. (I don't own POTC either)_ –undead monkey vanishes- That was…odd…

Stage Hand B: -calls off from stage left- They're doing a POTC taping next door, I think the monkey wandered off while it was taking 5.

Lulu: Okay then…well, it appears that's all the time we have for today!

Solovet: But I never got to answer my question!

Lulu: Did you really want to?

Solovet: No.

Lulu: Point taken. Now, thank you all for watching Hot Spot, TUC edition! Tune in next time!-vanishes in another puff of purple smoke-

Ares: Hey, look, I wrote a poem about my miserable life. Oh yeah, and if that smoke isn't black next time, I'll cut myself.

Lulu's voice: And there's that emo bat again!

Ares: Who said that? –there is silence- Oh well, I guess I'll just go read my poem to no one, because none of them want to listen because they all hate me. I'm depressed. –flies off-

Random Announcer: Well, that was the first episode of Hot spot, TUC edition! What will happen next time? Who will be interviewed next? Will Cartesian ever find the others? Will that smoke ever turn black like Ares wants? Will Twirltongue _ever _find diet shrimp in cream sauce? And when will the legendary RIPRED appear? Be sure to watch our next episode!

Twirltongue: I _will _find some!

Bane: I'm telling you, if you just cut down on those crawlers, everything will be fine and you won't have to—-lights go off- Hey! I don't like the dark!!!!

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**Well, that was the first episode of TUC Hot Spot! If you have a specific character that you'd like to see interviewed, just include a request in your review.**

**Lulu**


	2. Villains and Queens and Ripred, oh, my!

**Okayz, I stole my bestestest online friend Aria (Dead Chick Walking) and put her in. Of course, she sort of…demanded I put her in, so that's not exactly thievery, but still…I don't own her, though. Only it'd be cool if I did, cuz then she'd be my slave and I could boss her around. (jk, aria :D) So, let's get on with it. **

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Random Announcer: Welcome back to…TUC Hot Spot! Here's you're hostess…Lulu!!!! 

Lulu's voice: -cough-

Random Announcer: -sigh- All right, fine. Here's you're lovely, pwnful hostess…Lulu!

Lulu's voice: That's better. Now where were we? Oh yeah.

Lulu: -materializes in a puff of purple smoke-

Ares: -opens his mouth to speak-

Lulu: -holds her hand up to silence him- -vanishes again- -reappears in a puff of BLACK smoke-

Ares: Thank you.

Lulu: -sigh- Anytime. Now, Welcome to TUC Hot Spot, as our random announcer just said.

-everyone cheers-

Lulu: Seriously, though, I have no idea who that guy is. –looks over at random announcer- Hey, you! Who are you?

Random Announcer: -looks hurt- You don't remember me? We went to kindergarten together!

Lulu: …sorry, I don't recall.

Random Announcer: -looks depressed- Alright, fine. Now I'm depressed.

Ares: Come be depressed by me. We can wear black and keep our problems all bottled up inside and write depressing poetry and wear more black.

Random Announcer: Sounds good to me. –leaves with Ares-

Lulu: I swear, just kill me now.

Random rat's voice: That can be arranged.

Lulu: Not in this life, it can't. So let's get back to what I was about to say. Now, today we have a very special guest host. Please welcome my bestestest online friend and partner in FGAL…Aria!

Aria: -materializes in a puff of green smoke- -sits next to Lulu-

Aria: uhh, Hi! –whispers to Lulu- Who's the first contestant?

Lulu: I don't know, actually. I had someone else cast it.

Aria: Who?

Lulu: uhh…-is clearly trying to hide something- umm…does it really matter?

Aria: Lu, who'd you have cast it?!?!?

Twirltongue: -walks in- Me!

Aria: -groans and stares at Lulu-

Lulu: What? She can be very persuasive.

Aria: -rolls eyes-

Twirltongue: Now, I thought long and hard over who should be the first contestant. So first up, we have someone who puts the "E" in "evil"…and, come to think of it, the "vil" too…Henry! –Henry enters-

Lulu & Aria: OHMIGAWSH IT'S HENRY! –they simultaneously turn and stare at each other- HE'S MINE! –they gasp- NO, NOT YOURS, MINE!

Twirltongue: I _knew _this was a bad idea…but then again, it is Tuesday.

Aria: -turns and stares at Twirltongue- You watch two hormonal teens fight over sexy tyrants every Tuesday?

Twirltongue: Yep, pretty much. The Bane was fairly popular among the females in his day.

Lulu: -runs up to Henry- Hi, Henry. You don't know me, but we're SO meant for each other. –thinks for a second- Oh yeah, and if a girl with brown hair with green streaks comes up and talks to you, come talk to me instead, k?

Henry: I cannot make that promise.

Lulu: But…but…why?

Henry: Because I can never resist a chance to talk to the ladieeees.

Twirltongue: I _knew _this was a bad idea.

Henry: Then why did you do it?

Twirltongue: -shrugs- I was bored.

Aria: -pushes Lulu away- Don't listen to her, Henry, she can't even figure out the Tree of Transmission properly.

Lulu: -pushes back- You'll never let that go, will you?

Aria: -pushes again- Nope, never.

Henry: Ladiessss, please. There's enough of Henry to go around.

Lulu: No, there's not! –gives Aria an almighty shove, Aria falls down-

Aria & Lulu: -gasp-

Aria: oh, it's on now! –engages in a catfight with Lulu-

Henry: The ladies loooove me!

Twirltongue: Oh, for the love of Sandwich!

Random Audience member A: Speaking of sandwiches, I have a baloney one sitting on my kitchen table that I'd really like to eat, so let's get on with this!

Lulu: -dodges Aria, who was about to tackle her- Hey, aren't you that idiot who left a Tuna Casserole cooking during the last episode?

Random Audience member A: Yes, I am. And you know what? IT WAS OVERCOOKED! And it's your entire fault.

Lulu: Well that's just too bad!

Random Audience member A: My baloney is going to go bad if I don't eat it soon!

Lulu: Your baloney isn't the only thing that's going to go bad if you don't shut up now!

Random Audience member A: I'm going to report you to the authorities for audience member abuse!

Lulu: -smiles mock-sweetly- Well, you can't do it if you're still here, now can you?

Random Audience member A: As a matter of fact, I can't. Which is why I'm leaving this dump!

Lulu: Excellent. Ciao!

Aria: Good Riddance.

Lulu: Now, what mere we doing again? Oh yeah. –continues catfight with Aria-

Aria: I'm…gonna…win!

Lulu: No…I'm…gonna…win!

Bane: -comes running out- No, I'm gonna win! –knocks them both aside- What do I win?

Lulu: An all expense paid trip…backstage! Now scram, or you'll miss your plane.

Bane: Okay! –runs off muttering to self- I wonder what the land of Backstage looks like…

Lulu: rolls eyes Anyway, now it's time to ask Henry questions! Aria, you take the first one.

Aria: Okay, Henry, now tell us some of the things you DIDN'T like about your cousin, Luxa.

Lulu: and to make this even MORE uncomfortable, here's Her Highness herself, your cousin, Luxa!

Luxa: -walks out sporting a grumpy expression, looking at her feet- I have no wish to hear my traitor cousin tell the entire world what he believes to be my flaws.

Lulu: You know, sometimes I can never understand your Underlander speak.

Luxa: Well, that is just too bad.

Lulu: Now _that _I understood.

Luxa: -finally looks up from her feet- I knew I recognized your voice. You are the imbecile who stole my name!

Lulu: -narrows eyes- Oh no you di-in't!

Luxa: Oh yes I di-id!

-they face away from each other, arms crossed. Long silence-

Luxa: -suddenly turns around- Let us be friends!

Lulu: -smiles- Best friends! –they hug-

Aria: Hey!

Lulu: It's okay, I didn't forget about you, Aria! –glomps aria-

Aria: That's better.

Lulu: Okay, now let's get back to the show. Luxa, you must go in the…Circle of Ice!

Luxa: -stares blankly- What?

Lulu: It's where our observers go. We also call it "The Cold Spot". Now, for the circle! –a bunch of pointy ice chunks come up from the ground and encircle Luxa-

Lulu: Oh, no.

Aria: All right, Henry, are you ready to answer?

Henry: -glares at Luxa- Fine. What do I not like about Luxa? She is a goody-goody. She didn't side with me. She let the Warrior bond with my old bond. And most of all…her crown makes her head look big!

Luxa: -gasps, glares at him- Henry!

Henry: -glares back- Luxa!

Lulu: -looks worried- Alright, I think we'd better end this before it gets ugly.

Aria: Too late.

Luxa: You are a power mad freak!

Henry: You're about as fit to be a queen as a bloated shiner!

Luxa: Well, you are a terrible cousin!

Henry: Yeah? Well, I hate you!

Luxa: I hate you more!

Lulu: Okay, Henry, you're time is up now, you have to leave!

Henry: I'll leave as soon as Luxa admits that she's an idiot!

Luxa: Then I guess you will be stuck her forever!

Henry: Then I guess I will!

Lulu: SECURITY!

-two giant security guards come out and pull Luxa and Henry offstage-

Lulu: Okay, then, that was quite a display.

Aria: You got that right. Next contestant!

-music from _Jaws _plays-

Lulu: -gasps- What's this? It appears our next contestant is someone who could give Sandwich himself a run for his money! It's…

Ripred: ME!

-fireworks go off, crowd cheers-

Aria: -unimpressed by the scene- Lulu, I told you he'd insist on making a dramatic entrance.

Lulu: -shrugs- Hey, it's getting us publicity.

Aria: Yeah, but is it really worth it?

Lulu: We'll see.

Random Fangirl A: OHMIGAWSH! It's RIPRED! –fangirl scream-

Ripred: I have fangirls?

Random Fangirl A: Yeah!

Ripred: Sweet.

Lulu: -rolls eyes- Okay, Ripred, now it's time to begin! Ring of Fire, please!

-ring of fire appears around Ripred-

Ripred: Please. I could make this ring of fire beg for ice.

Lulu: What's that supposed to mean?

Ripred: It means I'm pwnsome.

Aria: Yeah, yeah, so we've heard. The Bane pwns you and you know it.

Bane's voice: I PWN!

Ripred: Oh, yes, Pearliegirlie's been extremely annoying offstage. He's been looking for the "land of Backstage" or something.

Lulu: Uhh...I didn't send him to look for it, if that's what you're thinking!

Ripred: I wasn't. But now I'm thinking you did!

Lulu: Ummm…moving on!

Aria: Okay, Ripred, tell us what's it's like to be considered "godly".

Lulu: -whispers to aria- How's that supposed to make him uncomfortable? It'll only inflate his ego more!

Aria: I just want to know.

Ripred: I'll answer when I get my Spring water.

Aria: -snorts- Spring water? You've got to be—

Ripred: Now!

Aria: Springing! –rushes off and comes back with a bottle of spring water-

Ripred: That's better.

Aria: -sarcastic- What, no cinnamon bun to go with it?

Ripred: Actually, that'd be nice.

Aria: -rolls eyes- Not gonna happen.

Ripred: Fine.

Lulu: I _told _you he'd turn into a diva.

Aria: Can you possibly imagine that mutant rat being considered a _diva_?

Lulu: -ponders- Maybe not. Now Ripred, just answer the question!

Ripred: What's it like to be considered godly? Well, sometimes it can be very taxing.

Lulu: Like how?

Ripred: For one thing, you have to keep up with all those demanding fans, you know? They want you to walk, you gotta strut. They want you to smile; you gotta flash those pearly whites for the camera like there's no tomorrow. You always have to be one step ahead, you know what I'm saying?

Lulu: -stares at him blankly- No, not really.

Aria: Hey, Ripred, can you give us a taste of those "pearly whites" before we move on?

Ripred: My pleasure. Like I said, the fans demand it. –flashes a blinding smile-

Aria: The light! It's…blinding!

Lulu: My eyes! My blue eyes that match my Dolce & Gabanna pocketbook!

Aria: Prep.

Lulu: Shuddup.

-they are forced in separate directions due to the astounding force of Ripred's smile-

Aria: Lulu!

Lulu: Aria!

Both: NOO!

Ripred: -closes his mouth- I told you.

Lulu: -breathing heavily- Okay…that's…better. Now, onto the next question!

Aria: So Ripred, what would you do if you really became King of the gnawers?

Ripred: That's easy. I would make them all bow down to me cuz I pwn.

Lulu: No, really.

Ripred: I would!

Aria: We all know you wouldn't.

Ripred: Well, I'd do that if I got bored. Otherwise I'd make "Ripred Day" a national holiday.

Lulu: -groans- I knew we'd never get a straight answer out of this egotist.

Ripred: What can I say? I'm loved.

Lulu: I have such a headache you have no idea. NOW LET'S END THIS!

Cartesian: Where are the others?!

Aria: Over there. –points- Now get offstage!

Lulu: Okay, that was our second episode of TUC Hot Spot. And hopefully the next one won't be as insane as this one was.

Aria: Wouldn't count on it.

Lulu: Oh yeah. Let's give a big hand for our guest host, Aria! –claps-

Aria: Thanks, it was my…um, pleasure. –vanishes in a puff of green smoke-

Lulu: Tune in next time! –vanishes in a puff of purple smoke-

Ares: You're lucky I'm too depressed to care about the smoke issue.

Random Announcer: I'm depressed too. –sighs- So that's it for this time, be sure to catch TUC Hot Spot next time. It'll be full of depression, sorrow, and despair brought about by me and my homie, Ares.

Ares: Yo, dawg.

Random: We're also a tad gangsta. Ph33r U5!

Ares: And we also occasionally go 1337.

Random Announcer: Yeah.

Lulu's voice: Just end the show already!

Random Announcer: Fine. Tune in next time.

Lulu's voice: We really need to get a less depressed announcer.

Bane: I'LL DO IT!

Lulu's voice: Over my dead body.

Random rat's voice: that can be arranged.

Lulu's voice: -groans- Just stop it, okay?


	3. You Got that Right

**Alright, sorry it took so long, but here's the next chapter!**

**NOTE: Every member included in this chapter requested to be so.**

* * *

Random Announcer: Welcome to TUC Hot Spot. Again. There is no end to this insanity. -sighs-

Ares: You got that right.

Random HAPPY Announcer: -appears- Hi, y'all!

Random Announcer and Ares: Who're you?

Random HAPPY Announcer: Lulu hired me! You were giving her a migraine.

Lulu: -mimics Ares- You got that right. -appears in a puff of purple smoke-

Random HAPPY Announcer: Hey! I thought you were supposed to come out AFTER I announced you.

Lulu: Change of plans. You were taking too long.

Random Announcer: -grumbles- I can't believe you replaced me with _that _thing. -gestures to Random HAPPY Announcer-

Random HAPPY Announcer: I am not a _thing. _My name is Bill.

Lulu: Yeah…nobody cares, Bill. Now _I'll _do the introduction!

Random Announcer: Fine by me.

Random HAPPY Announcer: Sure, whatever! I don't care cuz I'm happy all the time!

Lulu: I already paid you. You don't have to be a giddy idiot. Now both of you, leave!

-Announcers exit somewhat glumly-

Lulu: ANYWAY…welcome to TUC Hot Spot's third airing! Today's episode should be…um, exciting.

Ares: You got that right.

Lulu: -stares at him like he has 5 heads- Why do you keep saying that? And why are you still here?

Ares: I'm allowed to be here. My bond is in this—

Lulu: -cuts him off- Thanks a lot, Ares! You just gave it away.

Random Audience member C: Gregor is in this episode?

Lulu: -glares at Ares- Oh, you've done it now.

Ares: -shrugs- Oh, well. –thinks for a moment- Oh yeah, I wanted to ask you how you liked these. –pulls on a pair of black skinny jeans-

Lulu: They look…depressing. And emo.

Ares: Yes! –exits-

Lulu: -mutters to self- And I should've known that was exactly what he was going for.

Random Audience member D: Yeah, you should've.

Lulu: Shuddup. No one asked you.

Random Audience member D: Well, they should. I know everything.

Lulu: I said SHUDDUP!

Random Audience Member D: Okay, okay. You don't have to lose your head over it.

Lulu: -glares at him- In another minute that's what's going to happen. Now, there was one thing I wanted to add. Since she was such a 'hit' in the last episode…-cough- literally, for me…I don't think my shoulder will ever be the same for months…we decided to bring her back! And, accompanying her is music that she herself demanded…heeeeres...

-Invader Zim theme music plays-

Aria: -appears in a puff of green smoke- Me!

-audience claps-

Random Audience member E: -whispers to neighbor- Hey, look, it's that chick that Lulu beat up last time!

Random Audience member F: No, _she_ beat _Lulu_ up.

Random Audience member G: No, Bane beat them both up!

Lulu & Aria: -are staring at talking audience members with eyebrows raised-

Lulu: Can we continue?

Aria: Yes, let's.

Lulu: Alright, as most of us already know thanks to a certain emo bat, our first contestant is the reason this madness started in the first place just because he HAD to follow his sister down a laundry room grate…heeeeeres…Gregor!

Gregor: -walks out with hands in pockets-

Aria: Dude. You're the Warrior. You really should make more of an entrance.

Gregor: -throws his arms in the air- Does this help?

Aria: Not much.

Lulu: Cue the Ring!

-ring of fire appears around Gregor, who shrugs-

Aria: Why are you so…not warrior-like?

Gregor: Because I'm not popular anymore.

Lulu: What are you talking about? It's YOUR fault we're all hopelessly obsessed!

Gregor: -scowls- Everyone likes Henry more than me!

Lulu & Aria: ZOMG HENRY!

Gregor: -groans- What did I tell you?

Aria: Well, he's just so pwnfully hot.

Lulu: Besides, there are tons of people who still like you. Like Luxa.

Luxa: -appears- Why do I always get dragged over here when I am busy?

Gregor: -cough-

Luxa: -spots Gregor- ZOMG GREGOR! –rushes over to him-

Gregor: _Luxa _doesn't count. She's not a _fan_.

Luxa: I am a fan of you, Gregor!

Gregor: -sigh- That's not what I meant.

Lulu: All right, all right, I get it. See ya, Luxa.

Luxa: -is slowly fading away- Wait…no! I changed my mind! I want to…-vanishes completely-

Aria: Well what else can we…-face lights up- Wait, I have an idea! –whispers to Lulu, who brightens up-

Lulu: That could work…all right, let's try it! Gregor, do YOU want to feel important again?

Gregor. –sarcastic- No. I don't.

Aria: -is confused, missed the sarcasm- I don't get it, then why are we…-sees Lulu's exasperated expression- Ohh, I get it. Heh.

Lulu: Well, back on topic, then, here are a couple of people who I think will make Gregor feel—

Random Audience Member (NightWolf277): RADIOACTIVE BANANA!

Lulu: …wtf?

Random Audience Member (NightWolf277): Sorry. Continue, by all means.

Lulu: Okay then. Now, as I was saying, I know these people will make Gregor feel loved again! Please welcome a bunch of my closest online friends…Unk, Dem, Mareth (the user), Saph, and Prophe!

-Unk, Dem, Mareth, Saph, and Prophe appear-

Unk: uhh…why are we here?

Dem: Yes, Lulu, why? I was busy plotting with my RP charries.

Saph: Plotting what?

Dem: Umm…does it matter?

Prophe: I want to know, too.

Mareth: And me.

Lulu: All right, we all know Dem plots, so let's get on with it. Guys, do you think you can make Gregor feel loved and worshipped again.

Saph: Well, I got nothing better to do. And I don't think any of them do, either.

Aria: See? I told you they'd agree.

Ares: -is still perched off to the side- This is not going to work.

Lulu: Quiet, Ares. Does this concern you? This doesn't concern you.

Ares: Sorry. I'll just go back to being depressed. –droops his head-

Mareth: Hey, wait…-runs over to Ares, peering into the air around him-

Ares and Aria: -to Lulu-What is he doing?

Lulu: Umm…Mareth…I'm scared to ask, but…what the hell are you doing?

Mareth: -muttering to self- No…where are they…oh, I'm just looking for strings.

Aria: Er, pardon me? Strings?

Ares: I don't have _strings._

Mareth: Well, you act like a puppet, so why not have strings?

Unk: Yeah, cuz you're _really _going to find strings on a giant depressed bat, Mareth.

Prophe: Hey, you never know, maybe he's right…-runs to look too-

Saph: I swear the world has gone completely insane.

Aria: You got that right.

Dem: ooh, that gives me an idea…

Saph: You're not plotting again, are you?

Unk: Can I help?

Lulu: GUYS!

-everyone shuts up-

Gregor: This is not doing anything for my self esteem at all.

Lulu: You heard the man! Raise his self esteem, now.

Prophe: Well, you fought an awesome rat when you first went to the Underland. Fangor. But you killed him!

Aria: That doesn't help, Prophe.

Prophe: Sorry.

Dem: -sways- Moosebunnies…moosebunnies…

Lulu: Ahem…what's a moosebunny?

Unk: -interrupts- Well, I have something. You're a rager, man! That's awesome!

Gregor: I dunno…

Saph: And you're a twelve year old warrior!

Gregor: Well…that is pretty cool…

Saph: Of course it is!

Mareth: You're bond…who really is a puppet, I just haven't found the strings yet…is an awesome flier.

Ares: -impersonates Elvis- Thank you, thank you very much.

Aria: Yeah…don't do that ever again, or I may have to replace your wings with chopsticks.

Ares: What's a chopstick?

Lulu: Nevermind. Dem, you got anything?

Dem: Wha? Oh, yeah. You have an awesome fan base! Come on, Gregor, you know we all love you. And your books.

Gregor: Books? I'm in books?

Prophe: He didn't know about them?

Lulu:…I don't think so. –takes a deep breath- Well, Gregor…yourreallyafictionalcharactercreatedbyawomannamedsuzannecollinstobethemaincharacterofaseriescalledtheunderlandchroniclesandeverythingyouwentthroughintheunderlandwasjustfigmentsofherimaginationtomakeherbookawesome. –said everything real fast-

Gregor: WTF?

Aria: -prods Lulu- Lu, I don't think he understood you.

Lulu: That's the point. So, anyway, now do you feel better, Gregor?

Gregor: I guess so. Now I can rub my awesomeness in Henry's face!

Lulu & Aria: ZOMG HENRY!

Gregor: …And I'm depressed again.

Ares: I am so proud of you, Gregor! Now you can join the depressed cult, write depressing poetry and wear—

Aria: Yeah, no. No one else is joining your little 'cult'.

Gregor: Whatever.

Lulu: -sings- The sun'll come out, tomorrow, bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow…there'll be sun…

Aria: -joins in- Just thinking about, tomorrow…clears away the cobwebs and the sorrow…till there's none…

Dem, Saph, & Prophe: -join in as well- Tomorrow, tomorrow…I love ya…tomorrow…you're only a day…

Lulu, Aria, Dem, Saph, and Prophe: AWAAAYY!

Unk: -to Mareth- They're all idiots.

Mareth: You got that right. –he and Unk leave-

Lulu: -to Dem, Saph, and Prophe- You guys should be going too. Thanks for your help!

Saph: Pleasure. Bye!

Prophe: Yup. See ya!

Dem: hmm…suddenly I feel like…

All: Plotting?

Dem: How'd you know?

-Dem, Saph, and Prophe leave-

Aria: -sigh- All right, now that that's over, NOW do you feel better, Gregor?

Gregor: -shrugs- I'll live.

Lulu: Good. Then you won't mind if we ask you a few questions. Get back in the ring.

Aria: How'd he get out in the first place? It's fire.

Lulu: Beats me.

Gregor: -does a flying pirouette into the Ring of Fire-

Aria: WTF?

Lulu: I guess even warriors do a little ballet.

Gregor: You got that right.

Lulu: Seriously. Stop saying that. Now, for the first question! Gregor, when did you first consider yourself and Luxa to be more than friends?

Gregor: umm…pass.

Aria: You can't pass.

Gregor: Then the brochure lied!

Aria: What brochure?

Gregor: Here. –hands Aria a brochure-

Aria: -raises eyebrows- This is a brochure for an all-inclusive woman's Day Spa.

Lulu: -stares at Gregor with mouth open-

Gregor: -reddens- Oops, sorry. Wrong one. That was…um, there by mistake. Yeah. –slips it quickly back in his pocket-

Aria: Why not just throw it away?

Gregor: Uhh…

Aria: Forget it. I don't want to know.

Gregor: Here's the real brochure. –hands Aria a folded piece of paper-

Aria: This looks like it was made by an insane child who managed to get hold of a sharpie.

Lulu: You're close. Look at the back. –flips it over and points to some words-

**Maed bie Paerlpilt **

Aria: He has some spelling issues.

Lulu: No duh.

Aria: -turns to Gregor- So let me get this straight. You actually read a brochure, which is, by the way, completely fake, made by the _Bane_?

Gregor:-is confused- The Bane made it? I got it from a big white mountain of fur wearing a trenchcoat and sunglasses.

Aria: -raises eyebrow- How dumb is he?

Gregor: -scowls- That's not a very nice thing to say to a warrior.

Lulu: WHATEVER! Okay, now that you know you're not allowed to pass, just answer the question before we all turn sixty two!

Aria: Why sixty two?

Lulu: Dunno. It just seemed like a cool number.

Gregor: Fine. If you must know, it was when we…um…whenwefoundhersafeinthejungle.

Lulu: Sorry, didn't catch that.

Gregor: It was a one time deal. Sorry.

Lulu: You're so difficult.

Gregor: It's my job.

Aria: I thought randomly committing homicide for no apparent reason was your job.

Gregor: -scowls again- I broke the sword, remember?

Aria: But you still went all rager on that guy's ass at school when he—

Gregor: stfu, no one was supposed to know about that!

Aria: Uhh…sorry.

Lulu: -sigh- Well, that's all the time we have today.

Aria: But we only asked Gregor one question.

Lulu: Well, he took too long to answer. And besides, I need to get home so I can fantasize about biting the…nevermind. –cough-

Aria: LMAO! I KNOW WHAT YOU WERE GONNA SAY!

Lulu: Shuddup!

Aria: grr…

Lulu: Yeah, yeah. Well, as I said, that's all the time we have left today. Before we go, though, let's have a smattering of polite applause for the lovely Aria.

Aria: -scowls- I don't want a 'smattering of polite applause for the lovely Aria'.

Lulu: -grumbles- Fine. Then let's have a big hand for our pwnful guest host, Aria! You were great, and I'm –cough- sure that everyone here loved you.

Aria: You got that right. –vanishes in a puff of green smoke-

Lulu: And I have deliberately sent the announcers to Fiji. BOTH of them.

Random Audience Member H: But I liked the happy one!

Lulu: Too bad. Now, thanks for coming and watching (or reading) TUC Hot Spot, we hope to catch you next time.

Everyone except Lulu: You got that right.

Lulu: WHY DOES EVERYONE KEEP SAYING THAT?!


	4. The Twitch to the Tip

**Hey, look, I finally updated! This chapter includes all those people who asked me to put them in…way back when. In April. Mkay, enjoy!**

Random Announcer: Welcome back to TUC Hot Spot, we're sorry for the long wait, blah blah blah, I'm—

Random HAPPY Announcer: Hey! You were fired, remember?

Random Announcer: -yawns- Fine, then you introduce us in your own words.

Random HAPPY Announcer: Fine, I will! Welcome back to TUC Hot Spot, we're sorry for the long wait! Blah blah blah!

Random Announcer: -stares in disbelief- You changed absolutely nothing! All you did was add exclamation points!

Random HAPPY Announcer: I know, but aren't exclamation points awesome? They're like an 'I', but upside down, or maybe a line with a bit of white out on it to separate it into two parts—

Random Announcer: Dude.

Random HAPPY Announcer: Sorry.

Random Announcer: Yeah.

Random HAPPY Announcer: Anyway, here's your brilliant hostess, Lulu!

-crowd waits-

Random Announcer: Where is she?

Random HAPPY Announcer: Dunno…oh no, what if she's left? Then we'd be all alooooone, and I'd have to host the show and face all those giant rats, especially the big white one!

Random Announcer: -Acts like a psychologist- Yes, yes, I see your dilemma. I believe I am right in diagnosing you with luluisgoneandimascaredofabigwhiterataphobia.

Random HAPPY Announcer: Lulahoobawhataphobia?

Random Announcer: Luluisgoneandimascaredofabigwhiterataphobia. It is a rare mental illness that is caused by the loss of a television announcer called Lulu and a fear of giant white rats. But it is completely curable, though, and all you must do is dance naked in a circle around said white rat and sing Sexyba—

Lulu: -taps both on shoulder- I'm right here.

Random HAPPY Announcer: AHHH!

Lulu: What're you screaming about?

Random HAPPY Announcer: You appeared out of nowhere!

Lulu: No, this time I actually just walked in.

Random HAPPY Announcer: Do I still have luluisgoneandimascaredofabigwhiterataphobia?

Lulu: …wtf?

Random HAPPY Announcer: Nevermind.

Random Audience Member F: But I wanted to see him dance naked around—

Lulu: PLEASE don't finish that sentence!

Random Audience Member G: -raises hand tentatively-

Lulu: -sigh- Yes, Random Audience Member G?

Random Audience Member G: Why didn't you appear in smoke? I wanna see smoke!

Lulu: -groan- Fine.

-is about to disappear when Ares flies in-

Ares: Just make sure it's black.

Lulu: Oka—

Random Audience Member G: But I like purple!

Ares: Black!

Random Audience Member G: Purple!

Ares: Black!

Random Audience Member G: Purple!

Bane: RAINBOWSSSSSS!!

All: wtf?

Bane: I like Rainbows. And unicorns. Rainbows and unicorns. –giggles-

Lulu: -raises eyebrows-

Bane: Hehe, your eyebrows look fuuunny.

Ares: I still want black.

Random Audience Member G: I still want purple!

Lulu: I have an idea.

Bane: A mystical land where I can ride over a rainbow on a unicorn and dance the night away with Twirly?

Twirltongue: You are NOT dancing the night away with anybody, let alone me!

Lulu: Sorry, Pearliegirlie, there's no place like that. And I'm glad there isn't.

Bane: Is there at least a mystical land where all my dreams can come true?

Lulu: Try Las Vegas. But that's only if you win loads gambling.

Bane: Lost Veggies?

Lulu: Las Vegas, not Lost Veggies.

Bane: Okay. –skips off- Hey, Ripred, wanna take me to Las Vegas?

Lulu: wowww.

Ares: What about your idea?

Lulu: Oh yeah. Anyway, watch this. –vanishes- -appears again in a puff of smoke that is swirled with purple and black together-

Ares: Well, I guess that could work.

Random Audience Member G: Yeah.

Lulu: It better.

Twirltongue: Can we move on?

Lulu: Let's. Now, this is going to be a rather special airing of TUC Hot Spot. Instead of just me asking the questions, we're going to have a panel of judges to ask them and judge the victim's –cough- I mean contestant's answers. Go it.

Random Audience Member F: Will there be sugar cookies involved?

Bane: COOOKIESSSS!!

Lulu: Bane, darling?

Bane: Yes?

Lulu: Would you please go backstage and um…keep an eye on Stellovet? I hear she's been plotting to take over the Underland and er…paint you yellow. Yeah.

Bane: Yellow?! I don't wanna be YELLOWWWW!!

Lulu: That's why you need to go keep an eye on her.

Bane: Stellovet!! NO YELLOW! –runs off-

Lulu: I kinda feel bad about tricking him like that.

Ares: Really?

Lulu: No.

Ares: Okay. Because if you did, I'd have to remind you about how he tore my throat out and—

Lulu: WAS NOT HIS FAULT

Ares: Okay, okay calm down.

Lulu: It wasn't. Anyway, Random Audience Member F, there are no sugar cookies involved.

Random Audience Member F: Aren't you gonna ask me why I asked that?

Lulu: My instincts tell me it was a desperate plea for attention. Go see a counselor.

Random Audience Member F: -scowls- Fine. –stalks off-

Lulu: I never liked him.

Random Audience Member G: But you like me, right? DON'T YOU LIKE ME??

Lulu: You may want to consider some counseling as well.

Random Audience Member G: -giggles- Okies. –skips off-

Lulu: Okaaaay. So as I was saying, we'll be having a panel today. And leading our panel is our beloved guest host and my bestestestest online friend, Aria!!

Aria: -struts in- Back again.

All: -singsong voices- Good afternoon, Aria! Lulu has told us so many wonderful things about you!

Aria: -raises eyebrows at Lulu- Was that rehearsed?

Lulu: -looks away- Maybeh…

Aria: -sigh- Well, since I am heading the panel we have today, I'd like to welcome the judges themselves…let's have a big hand for Aya, CC, and Wolf Tears!

Aya, CC, and Wolf Tears: -walk in and wave-

CC: Is there someplace we're supposed to sit?

Ripred: On the ground. Because you're not as important as me.

Lulu: Where'd you come from?

Ripred: -clears throat- Well, you see, when one rat loves another rat, they decide—

Aria: DON'T.

Lulu: That's not what I meant!

Ripred: Fine. I was getting tired of yellow Stellovet.

Lulu: Yellow Stellovet?

Ripred: Yes. Bane was painting her yellow. He says someone told him that Stellovet was going to paint _him_ yellow.

Lulu: Oops…

Everyone: -groan-

Lulu: What? I just wanted to get him away.

Aya: Can someone answer CC's question and tell us where we're supposed to sit?

WT: -mutters to self- I hope Twitchtip's in this episode…

Lulu: Right. Judge chairs. –snaps fingers and a black leather couch appears in front of the Ring of Fire.

Aya: Since when do judges sit on black leather furniture? I wanted to have one of those long black robes and sit at a really high desk and have a mallet to slam around whenever someone disagrees with me.

Ares: Did someone say black?

Aya: Zomg Ares!

Ares: What?

Aya: You're awesome. Heh, get it, Ares is Awesome, AIA, Aya…

Lulu: ANYWAY, fine, Aya, here. –snaps fingers again and a large desk, a pair of long black robes, and a mallet appear beside the couch-

Aya: Thank you. –struts around in robe-

WT: Hey, what about us?

CC: Yeah, I want all that, too!

Lulu: -sigh- Fine. –more desks and robes and mallets appear-

Aya: Now we need a bailiff.

Aria: Oh Riiiipreddd…

Ripred: -comes back- Someone call me?

Aria: You're the bailiff. Here's your uniform. –hands Ripred uniform-

Ripred: -tries it on- I look pwnsome.

Lulu: Yeah yeah.

Judges: -are all banging mallets-

CC: _bang!_

WT: _bang bang!_

Aya: _bang bang bang!_

CC: _bang bang bang bang!_

WT: _bang bang ba—_

Lulu: QUIET!

Judges: Sorreh.

Lulu: Anyway, now let's start. Since we're already running out of time, we'll only be having one contestant today.

Aria: Who is it?

Lulu: Before I tell you, I just want to say that she's very happy to be here.

Ripred: Who is it?

Lulu: And we are honored to have her.

Judges: Who is it?

Lulu: She's been through quite a lot.

Audience: Who is it?

Lulu: I hope she enjoys her time here.

Backstage people: Who is it?

Lulu: She's the twitch of the tip and the top of the twitch and the twitchy tip of the top of the twitch and the twitch and the top tip and the twitchy tip tail tip twitch of the—

Everyone: WHO IS IT?!

Lulu: Fine, fine. Don't have a cow. Please welcome…Twitchtip!

WT: Twitchtip!!

Twitchtip: Eww. I smell random audience members.

Random Audience Member H: What are you saying?

Aria: She's a scent seer. She smells things much more strongly than you do.

Random Audience Member H: Well I can smell some audience member abuse going on here.

Lulu: You sound like Random Audience Member A.

Random Audience Member H: Random Audience Member A? Oh yeah, he lives down the block from me. He's a good guy, but he's got a strange obsession with tuna casserole and baloney sandwiches.

Lulu: You've got to be kidding.

Twitchtip: He's eating a baloney sandwich right now! I can smell it!

CC: Wow, you're good.

Twitchtip: -struts- I know.

Lulu: There is a little too much ego inflation going on here.

Aya: Ego inflation?! That's my specialty!

Everyone: -watches as Aya's ego inflates even more-

Aria: One of these days it's gonna pop.

Bane's voice from backstage: Like a balloon! Balloooooon! Ballooney looney loon!

Ripred: Aren't you supposed to be painting Stellovet yellow?

Ban's voice from backstage: Oh yeah.

Stellovet's voice from backstage: Eep!

Lulu: Okaaay then. Who wants to ask the first question?

WT: Me!

Lulu: Fine.

WT: Tell us your deepest, darkest secret, Twitchtip.

Aria: That's not a question.

WT: Fine. I'll rephrase it. _What_ is your deepest, darkest secret Twitchtip?

Aria: That's better.

WT: Thank you.

Twitchtip: What will happen if I don't answer? Will a sea monster bust my nose in again?

Lulu: Yeah, that.

Twitchtip: Ahh! Nooo! Why did I ever agree to come here?

Aria: You were talked into it.

Twitchtip: By who?

Twirltongue: ME!

Twitchtip: -growls- Twirltongue!

Twirltongue: -growls too- Twitchtip!

Both: I hate you.

Lulu: Apparently they're born enemies. According to my story, Twirly manipulated Twitchy even when they were still pups.

Twitchtip: You wrote a story about me?

Lulu: Yes. It's called Looking Back. It's about your life. You had two sisters named Swiftstep and Silvertoes and a brother named Striker, who betrayed you and worked with your homicidal father, Ripper.

Aria: And then he joined the rebels and became Slicer's mate, and they were the most pwnful FGAL couple that ever was, and then they had the cutest, evilest little rat babbehs ever, with itty bitty tails and softy little ears and sharp little teefsies!

Twitchtip: Teefsies?

Aria: That's exactly what Sli did when I said that!

Twitchtip: I thought Striker died?

Lulu: Well, yeah, your Striker. Aria's talking about a different Striker. –whispers- A better Striker…

Aya: -has been staring at Twirltongue in awe- O…M…R…

Twirltongue: What?

Aya: You're Twirltongue! I'm Twirltongue junior!

Twirltongue: I had a junior?

Aya: Yeah!

WT: Can we move on?

Lulu: Yes. Twitchtip, answer the question, or you'll get your nose bashed in again.

Twitchtip: Eep!

Aria: Answer it.

Twitchtip: Fine. My deepest darkest secret is that…I'm...in love with…RIPRED!

Ripred: WHAT?!

Lulu: -gasps- Judges, what do you think of that answer?

Aya: It's true!

CC: It's false!

Aya: It's true!

CC: It's false!

Aya: It's true!

CC: It's false!

WT: Aww, Twitchy and Ripred Romance! TARR!

Aria: Heh. Tarr.

Lulu: Sasr pwns more.

Aria: Yup. But Tarr is cool too.

WT: I thought it was Ratr?

Lulu: Well, yes. It's either/or.

Bane: NOOO!! Twitchy, I thought what we had was speshfuuuuul!

Twitchtip: What did we have?

Bane: Nothing! That's why it was speshfuuuul!

Twirltongue: No, Bane, you don't love _her_. No one in their right mind would love her. You're a king you deserve better.

Aya: No, Bane, you don't love _her_. No one in their right mind would love her. You're a king you deserve better.

Twirltongue: wtf?

Aya: I told you I'm like you!

Bane: -sniffles- Okay, you're right, Twirly. I don't love Twitch, I love…YOU! –glomps Twirltongue-

Twirltongue: Eep!

Lulu: Well, Ripred, what do you think of all this?

Ripred: Well, I'm flattered. It just inflates my ego more.

Aya: Ego!

Aria: But do you love her back.

Ripred: Well, I love myself more.

Twitchtip: What's that supposed to mean?!

Ripred: It means I'm pwnsome!

Twitchtip: Noo! Ripred, how could you do this to me?!

Aria: Geez, Twitch, calm down.

Twitchtip: DON'T CALL ME TWITCH!

Aria: wtf? Are you PMSing or something?

Lulu: Okay, that's all the time we have for today.

CC: But we only asked one question!

Lulu: Well, you can see that Twitchtip isn't in any condition to answer another one.

CC: Oh, okay.

Random Announcers: -open mouths-

Lulu: Ah, no! I'm doing the exit today.

Random Announcers: aww. –pout and exit-

Lulu: Anyway, thank you for watching TUC Hot Spot, we hope you tune in next time, although if you have any sense at all, you won't, because this show has gotten far to insane.

Mareth (The character): Ahem.

Lulu: -groan- What now?

Mareth: I have a little rap in honor of Twitchtip, yo.

Lulu: And what is it?

Mareth: -starts rapping- She's a Twitch to the tip of the twitchy twitchy tip don't mess with the twitch of the top of the twitch she's a twitchy twitchy tip to the twitch twitch twitch and she's twitchy the tip of the tail tip top twitch, word!

-crickets chirp-

Mareth: What? I'm teh jazz masta. –exits-

Bane: Yo, dawg!


End file.
